I just wanna feel good tonight.

How do you explain what it feels like to want something, but not be able to exert the energy to get it? It’s not a matter of being lazy. There’s brief periods when I can get things done, when I can clear my mind, and when I go after the things that make me feel good. The rest of the time, I’m too depressed. I have all of these thoughts in my head. I’ve been putting them down on paper, and trying to get them out on here, but it sounds almost silly, doesn’t it? I attempted a 20 minute yoga session, and couldn’t even make it through 10 minutes without breaking concentration. I sat on my yoga mat and cried until I fell asleep. Just about the only thing I’m accomplishing anything with is my vegetarianism. Well, I suppose maybe I should stick with calling myself pescetarian, because I’ve eaten some fish.

The number one thing on my mind is money. I have $42 to last me until next Friday. I owe my dad $170 for my bills, and my rent is due Tuesday. I have no idea how I’m going to make $200 appear out of nowhere, but that seems to be the plan right now.

I also skipped my counseling appointment again today, and haven’t been able to see a doctor about how sick I’ve been.

Oh, and all the tension between my mom and I is making me reconsider moving to California.

Bummer.

4 months ago

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